New Year, New Me (But Let’s Do This Differently)
Usually around this time of year, the excitement starts to settle. The long list of goals we set before January 1st is still sitting there, staring at us. The expectations we held for ourselves this year start to loom, and many of us begin sitting with feelings of anxiety, disappointment, or sadness.
Some people try to restart their goals. Others quietly slip the vision board, note, or piece of paper somewhere they cannot see. And honestly, that makes sense.
So how about this year, we don’t put so much pressure on ourselves?
Every year, we take a hit to our self-esteem by creating long lists of unrealistic expectations and massive changes.
Let me help you reframe this.
Change is a process.
I’ve read all the self-help books, and it’s safe to say we all want change. We want to better ourselves. We want to be “the best version of ourselves.” And transparently, we all struggle.
I remember, as December crept in, telling myself, “I’m going to write a blog every week next year.” Sounds simple, right? Then the second week of January came, and I stared at my website, and there was no blog. Yikes.
So instead of creating a long list of big goals, what if we start small and focus on consistency?
Why Big New Year’s Goals Often Don’t Stick
I personally really enjoyed the book The 12 Week Year. It talks about setting quarterly goals instead of one overwhelming goal for the entire year. At a therapist meeting I attended late last year, research was shared that only 1% of people actually complete their New Year’s resolutions. If that statistic made you feel a little better, good. You are definitely not alone.
Now let’s talk about our brain.
When we start a new task or routine, our brain is basically like, “Wait… what are we doing? I thought we were sitting on the couch, not going to the gym right now.” Our brain loves routine because it reduces how much energy it has to use.
Think about the things you do every day without even thinking. Taking a shower. Brushing your teeth. Making coffee. These routines are automatic.
So instead of starting the year by damaging our self-worth because we didn’t accomplish big goals fast enough, what if we focus on small, doable steps?
Start Small and Make It Specific
Let’s start with quarterly goals. And if that still feels overwhelming, let’s go month by month.
For example, let’s say your goal is weight loss. First question: What does that actually mean to you?
For me, weight loss means creating a healthier lifestyle. Okay, great. Now we get specific.
Some examples might be:
Drinking my daily water intake based on my weight
Taking my vitamins daily
Incorporating fruits and vegetables into my meals
Using an app to track calories
Going to the gym three times a week
The list can go on, but let’s pause there.
Now, instead of trying to do all of that at once, let’s focus on just one month. What can you realistically start with?
Habits, Not Hustle
According to Atomic Habits, the goal is to build habits for long-term change. That means we don’t jump into working out three times a week if we don’t currently work out at all. Remember our brain.
So for the month of January, maybe the only goals are:
Take my vitamins daily
Drink my water
That’s it.
I know, I know. “What about everything else?”
Friend, we are taking this step by step.
Atomic Habits also talks about priming your environment. That means setting yourself up for success.
For example:
Put your vitamins by your toothbrush or coffee mug
Keep your water bottle at your desk or next to your bed
Then, track your progress. Use a calendar. Put an X or a smiley face each day you follow through. This reinforces the belief that you can keep the promises you make to yourself.
This Is What Therapy Looks Like
This process is actually very similar to therapy.
A client might come in and say, “I need to fix my life.” As a clinician, we work together to unpack what that means and break it down into realistic, manageable steps.
So let me ask you this: what would it look like to be gentler with yourself this year?
What would it look like to stop beating yourself up for not accomplishing big goals by January?
What would it look like to slow down?
And remember, you don’t have to do this alone. Find an accountability partner. The 12 Week Year calls them WAMs, or weekly accountability meetings. If you don’t have someone, schedule one with yourself. Put it on your calendar. Check in. Reflect. Adjust.
You’ve got this.
Everything you’ve ever done started with a first step.
So take the first step.
This content is for educational purposes only and does not replace therapy or establish a therapist–client relationship.
